My first month at the hospital! I did it!|
Well, miracle of miracles, I made it through my first month at the hospital! It is amazing to think back at all the up-and-down emotions I have experienced since then, from the sadness of leaving my friends and the familiarity of HCC, to the excitement of new possibilities, to the seemingly insurmountable frustrations of my O&M challenges, to where I am now, feeling much more at home in my new environment and celebrating all the victories of my hard-fought battles. I remember those first days when I wondered whether I would ever get used to the ergonomic keyboard. Now, however, I find that I prefer that over the old style keyboards and that I actually type faster on it than I do on the traditional ones. I remember days when I would get so lost at lunchtime that, by the time I made it back and forth to the break room, I only had about five minutes to eat lunch, and there was even one day where I spent the whole half hour getting lost, so I didn't have time to eat at all except for a handful of peanuts, and I sat at my desk biting my tongue hard to keep from crying. It seemed like today marked an especially significant turning point in my ability to get around. For the first time ever, I have gotten back from the break room twice without getting lost. It also seems like now, on the rare occasions when I do get lost, I am much more calm about it, and I even know exactly what I did wrong. Over the past four weeks, there were many times of absolute despair where I thought I would never get my act together, but those days are gone. I do still worry about being able to pick up my line counts enough, but I am actually having to look up things much less than in the past, and overall, I am optimistic about that. Next Friday, my O&M instructor will be coming back, and I'm going to get him to show me how to get to the employee cafeteria so that I can have more lunch options. A couple weeks ago when he came, I told him I had my hands full and would probably never even try learning the route to the cafeteria, but it occurs to me that a sure sign of progress is that now, I am willing to give it a try at least. The problem is that I only get a half hour for lunch, so I'll have to see how I do time-wise. One exciting thing that happened this week was that I learned to use the ice machine. I know that sounds insignificant, but being able to have ice water to sip on throughout the morning, or having a cold soda with my lunch, is just one more thing that improves my morale and the way I feel physically throughout the day. When I think of the cacoon I worked in for 20 years compared with the great big, fast-paced hospital, with open lobbies, lots of twists and turns, sharing the halls with electric carts, crowds of people and lots of objects to avoid, new computer systems, new people, new hours, tons and tons of new medical terms and dictating voices, I just have to give myself a great big pat on the back. I don't do that often, but when I think of how far I've come and how much my life has changed, I just can't help acknowledging and celebrating how much progress I have made. I don't know what the future holds, as there are still many uncertainties, but even if this new job does not work out for some reason, I have learned enough about myself and about life in general to make it all worthwhile.
Current Mood: accomplished